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Wednesday, 29 November 2006

I might could bless your heart

Posted on 20:15 by Unknown
Every southerner is familiar with the phrase bless your heart. Traditionally we use it when some tragedy has befallen you and we feel sorry for you but at the same time we're glad we're not in your shoes. If for instance you tell someone who was raised south of the Mason-Dixon line about how you were buying groceries for your ailing grandmother that person might answer back bless your heart. Likewise if you go on to talk about how when you got to...
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Monday, 27 November 2006

Outside Big Canoe: a story of Christmas trees and non-criminal trespass

Posted on 09:57 by Unknown
I love adventure. I used to make a weekend habit of charting unknown territories around me, often just getting in the car by myself and heading down a main road to see where it would lead. This was especially rewarding if doing so got me to some podunk town I had never heard of before. From my neck of the woods for instance a mere 20-mile ride will get you to either Struggleville, Rebelville, or Shakerag. Further out in one direction or the other will get you to Ball Ground, Whistleville, or Normaltown, the latter of which is referenced in the...
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Thursday, 23 November 2006

Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade

Posted on 07:29 by Unknown
I was well into my second glass of champagne this morning as my wife and I were watching the Umpteenth Annual Macy's Day Parade. Actually my wife was in the kitchen preparing my daughter's first Thanksgiving dinner (Similac with Iron and water) when the star of the parade flashed across the screen.It was Helen whose last name I don't recall even though it was announced just a commercial break ago, but apparently Helen's claim to fame is that she is over 100 years old."You just missed Helen!" I shouted into the kitchen."What?" my wife shouted back."Helen,"...
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Monday, 20 November 2006

770-452-0544 (Who is this?)

Posted on 17:48 by Unknown
Has anyone else in the Atlanta area heard from this number? On my caller ID it shows up as FW Services, and whoever these people are they've called me on more than one occasion and left no message. What does the FW stand for in FW Services? Feral wombats? Fancy wolverines? Frank women? Funny wigs? Funky whigs? Fisting wankers? First Wesleyans? Fisting Wesleyans? Fanny Wigginbotham? Fine wines?If it's fine wines, tell them to call back. Ditto for Fanny Wigginbotham.Incidentally what do pyjama-clad pillow-wielding teenage girls do during...
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Adult novelties vs. frozen treats

Posted on 13:31 by Unknown
I was pushing a cart through the grocery store this afternoon when it dawned on me that we use the same term for ice cream that we do for sex toys. Hanging over the last aisle of the grocery store is a placard that reads frozen novelties, and if you drive by any of the all-night porn emporiums across this great nation of ours you'll see that they sell adult movies and adult novelties. I only know from driving by of course.Novelty is such a versatile word.I think in the first instance the word denotes frozen treats that don't fall under the generic...
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Sunday, 19 November 2006

The unedited incomplete ramblings of kevin

Posted on 17:02 by Unknown
For your reading enjoyment, here is a summary of epistles that I began over the past year yet never got the gumption to complete. They are preserved here in their original non-paragraphed stream-of-consciousness psychopathic format. 11/18/05I used to think travel wasn't travel uinless people spoke another language when you got off the plane. San Francisco changed my mind. It was the first US destination I visited that offered enough variety in people, places and culture that convinced me it was significantly foreign compared to my native Atlanta....
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Wednesday, 8 November 2006

Shattastic television

Posted on 18:49 by Unknown
After only five minutes of over-the-shoulder television viewing this evening, I decided that any further time spent in front of the boob tube would be a total waste of my eyesight. Before I go any further, let me fill you, the beloved reader, in on some antiquated and useless backstory regarding my TV viewing habits as a youngster.Enter Captain Exposition.Until I was in my early twenties, I spent the largest portion of my day in front of the television. Indeed when I was a teenager during the summers, if I was awake at any time during a 24-hour...
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Wednesday, 1 November 2006

Cancer cult resistor

Posted on 18:55 by Unknown
When I began this blog a little over a year ago, one of the first things I chose to write about was something that irked me the most. I'm talking about our culture's unhealthy obsession with professing a favorite Nascar driver, political affiliation or noteworthy cause via our vehicles. Lurking at the base of this compulsion is an ever-growing social movement that I like to call the Awareness Cult. These ribbon followers top the charts, but there are several other people out there who think you should care as much about their cause as they do,...
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      • I might could bless your heart
      • Outside Big Canoe: a story of Christmas trees and ...
      • Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade
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      • Adult novelties vs. frozen treats
      • The unedited incomplete ramblings of kevin
      • Shattastic television
      • Cancer cult resistor
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