The to-do list: one down and umptine million to go

On the side of our refrigerator is a house wish-list my wife composed a few years ago. It lists home improvements we aspire to have completed someday. When she first handed it to me, I read it and nodded at her approvingly the same way she does to me each time I tell her I'm going to lose weight. It doesn't bother me that we don't have a built-in shelving fixture under the bathroom counter or a nice piece of art hanging over our fireplace. It's not that the items on the list are financially undoable or that I don't think these would be worthy ways of bettering our home. It's just that by nature I'm a rather stagnant person. I don't look for things to make me happy; I look for happiness in the things I have.

On the flipside, when you're in a relationship, this Zen philosophy only works to the extent that the other person will allow it. If my wife is unhappy, I can rest assured my happiness too will be short lived. Call it the law of spousal transferrence of mood. When looked at from this perspective, my theory of finding happiness in the things around me is shot all to hell. Passively seeking contentment stops being the path to nirvana and starts becoming the downward spiral to marital malfunction.

Back to the house wish-list. We recently completed another item on the list, namely getting new floors installed. I confess this makes all the difference in the world. Our house is easier to clean and it's much more attractive. Come to think of it, I'd have to say the same thing about the last improvement we made which was putting recessed lighting in the kitchen and dining room. While not an official item on the list, moving the tv out of the living room and into our new tv lounge was another brilliant idea my wife had. My reaction was the same after all three of these things. Why did we wait so long to make such a vast improvement, I thought. I suppose one of the more beneficial things about marriage is having unlimited time with another person so you can help them mend their backward ways. Even more beneficial is having another's perspective to show you how you can make your life better than it was before you met them.