Wish list for my kid

As I quickly approach fatherhood, I think of the things that have made a positive impression on my life or the lives of those around me. I hope my future son or daughter in due course will also develop some of these defining qualities and experience some of these epyphanic events. Not necessarily first but definitely foremost on the list is getting married. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't wish nuptuals on someone who's too young or someone who didn't get them right the first seven times, but when I think of those people that have had the most wonderful influence on who I am today, my wife tops the list. She's there to make me laugh in times of stress and there to offer another perspective when I need a second opinion. She cooks dinner as well as anyone on the Food Network and squirts toothpaste on my toothbrush before I get out of bed in the morning. There simply is no better travel companion, parenting partner, runway model and arbitor of all that is good than my wife. Marriage is the single best undertaking I ever undertook. I hope my offspring will wise up someday and make the plunge the same way I did.

Foreign travel is another must in my book. As Americans we take pride in the fact that our way is the right way. The land of the free and home of the brave is the land by which all others should be judged. This opinion holds true up until the point you step outside our borders. Nothing shakes up a young Yank more than realizing that people in different cultures have a different way of doing things, and their way suits them just as well as our way suits us. Aquisition of a foreign language is something I'd love for my kid, but aquisition of foreign culture is even more important. I hope when my kid's in Rome, he does as the Romans do.

I want my child to read. I don't mean just Hooked on Fonics or teacher-prescribed reading either. I want my kid to look at books as a way of entertaining himself, learning something new and gaining insight into another's viewpoint. I want my kid to read the philosophical writings of Goethe, Voltaire and Kyle Minor. And if Pat Robertson-Roddam-Clinton Jr. has a stack of books s/he's about to throw into a fire, I hope my kid reaches for those first. So what if it's a book about the master race of Veggie Hobbits in Loompaland! I'd certainly rather my child read something of questionable merit than watch something on tv of no merit.

This one may sound petty, but I want my kid to be liked -- liked by other kids, liked by adults, liked by friends and family, liked by teachers, professors and future employers. We all have people we like and people we don't. Consequently, we're all liked by some and not liked by others. Regardless of the nature of the individual relationships we have with other people, we give preferential treatment to those we like. The liked student gets a better education and the liked employee gets chosen for promotion. Fair or not, this is the the way things are. With this wish though comes a concern. I hope I can teach my child to understand the difference between doing things for the sole purpose of being liked and doing things that in turn lead to being liked. Kids who make choices just so they're liked tend to end up pleasing the wrong people. Peer pressure is only as good as the peers who press. We have to be likable before we're liked.

Another life lesson I hope my child grasps is that it's seldom wise to sacrifice long-term gain for instant gratification. Whether it's saving for the future versus spending like a trust-fund baby or waiting for Mr. Right as opposed to settling for Mr. Right Now, I want to instill in my child that we are a product of our choices, and some decisions have long lasting consequences. This can work for us or against us but in either case the decision is ours to make.

It's now dawned on me that this list of things I want for my kid could go on and on. I haven't even touched on the things I wish I had done when I was younger and now hope my kid will do, like learning to swim or practicing a sport. Perhaps more important than wanting these things for my child is doing what I can to make them happen for my child. I don't anticipate fatherhood being an easy venture but I do greatly look forward to it. I just hope I will remember my job as dad is not to push my kid through doors but just to open doors. Well, maybe a slight nudge wouldn't hurt provided it's in the right direction.