Talking to toddlers on the phone

I love children. I really do. My favorite child of course is my own, but even being around other people's kids brings a certain degree of joy that nothing else can. My favorite part of teaching was making a room full of children laugh. Children really are wonderous things.

That being said, don't put your toddler on the phone with me while you tend to some routine household chore. No really. Just say something's come up and that you'll call me back. Yes, even if it's just for a minute or so. I really don't want to listen to your child's barely intelligible toddler babble or worse yet his slobbery labored breathing. Sure, to you he looks so adorable standing there in the kitchen awkwardly holding the phone to his ear, but to me his gagagoogoo is no more enjoyable to listen to than automated voicemail prompts or nails on a chalkboard.

What sort of dialogue do you expect me to have with him anyway? Sure, I could ask about his day or his favorite TV show or his latest bowel movement, but funnily enough I don't have near the interest in these things that you do. If he wants to talk on the phone, maybe he has a grandparent who'd be more than willing to listen. Maybe you could just get the kid the Mickey Mouse Talking Phone. Remember that one?

Hey, Mickey, come over for a party.