Meryl looked smashing too. I put her in a white-yet-wintry warm dress and some bright red tights. I know these don't show up in a headshot, but I think it's important for my kid to look good when we go out. You never know when you're going to bump shoulders with a Gerber talent scout or something. Besides, if you look good, you feel good, and that's important for a toddler trying not to look like a terrorist. I even kept a comb in my pocket so I could neaten her up when we got there.
GPS Lady guided us down the three expressways into the neighboring county, and we reached our destination with little difficulty. The AAA office is located in a 1960s strip mall in what they like to call the Northlake Quadrangle. As a side note, I've decided the word quadrangle needs to be used more frequently lest it die out all together, so I'm going to try and incorporate it into my daily speech. I parked the car, combed a few tangles out of Meryl's hair and went in.
"Hi, I just need to get some passport photos," I said to the woman behind the counter while handing her my membership card.
"OK, hers'll just be ten dollars," the woman said to me.
"It's not free if I'm a member?" I asked with solemn face.
"No, hers isn't. Yours is free though," she said smiling.
"But I don't need one for me."
I already have a passport, and while the picture in it is not particularly flattering, I'm not going to go to the trouble of reporting my passport as lost, getting a new picture and paying the fee just to get a replacement. I've thought about it, mind you, but again I'm cheap and even my vanity doesn't merit that much extra spending. What do I care if the way I'm smiling in the picture makes the right side of my face look bigger than the left? So far no one's turned me away from customs either at home or abroad.
I do harbor some fear though that someday a Customs official at JFK is going to look at the picture and shout out where everyone can hear Hey, Pal, didn't you read the sign? It says 'Keep Hoof and Mouth Disease Out of America'! Then I'll have to wave goodbye to my wife and daughter while I get escorted off to quarantine by two guys wearing those weird anti-germ suits they had to wear before carrying off E.T. in a similar fashion.
I broke down and handed over my credit card.
The woman, who couldn't have been more polite, was trying to get a reaction out of Meryl from the moment we walked in. Meryl though is a finicky child. She doesn't like it when people try too hard and can sometimes be quite obstinate when it comes to not giving in to the demands of strangers. I'd like to think this would hold true even if the stranger in question were offering her candy, but somehow I doubt it. Meryl's pride I fear comes cheaper than her father's vanity.
Unfortunately for me though this stranger had no candy to offer so my daughter looked at the woman's camera as though it were an infringement upon her right to life, liberty and the pursuit of doing whatever she wants. At 21 months of age Meryl has ventured into that stage where she is struggling to gain independence and performing simple tasks like standing up facing forward in the chair in front of the white background and remaining still for four seconds while this nice lady takes her picture isn't high up on her to-do list.
The AAA lady asked if maybe Meryl would prefer I snap the picture. Good idea, I thought, but this still didn't prove very effective. I would take a photo right as Meryl waved her hands in front of her face or right as she turned her head to gawk at the decorations hanging from the ceiling or right as her expression devolved from happy kid to crabby kid. She's gonna be stuck with the passport and the photo for five years so I want it to look halfway decent if at all possible. Though, maybe it would serve as a teaching tool when she gets older if I can say to her Here, see how you look when you're whining?
Eventually Meryl flashed a look that, while not overly smiley, wasn't overly frowny either, and she was facing forward. I took the picture while the woman held a toy over my head hoping to get Meryl's attention.
This is what we ended up with:
What do you think? Would you allow this kid into our borders?
Even if she was traveling with this man?
Our operators are standing by.
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