Becoming her bad father

I am quickly becoming the father I had hoped not to become. Sure my daughter and I are sitting side by side. She is standing up on the couch next to me with her arm on my shoulder. She is happy; I am happy. She's smiling, and I'm smiling.

Why?

The reason is because I am typing away on my laptop and she is looking at television. She was never immune to television, but I had hoped we could keep it a treat that only reared its ugly head when she went to go visit family or friends. I am not one of those people who thinks there are quality TV shows for children. All shows reflect varying degrees of badness, especially when it comes to children sitting in front of them. Television teaches children that everything should be entertaining and fun. Then when they are put into situations that are not entertaining and fun they get bored. Compare hours of television viewing and Ritalin sales in this country to other Western nations and see what kind of correlation you come up with. Also worth noting is the number of kids who win national competitions like the spelling bee or science bowl who also don't have a television set in their home.

OK, enough preaching. On with bloggery.

Today Meryl decided that she did not want to eat her breakfast at the dining room table where we normally eats. She wanted to head down the hall to eat her cereal bar in front of the boob tube. Because she already woke us up at five in the morning and my wife's car wouldn't start which caused further household upheaval, I just wasn't up for fighting a battle that early in the day. I acquiesced and here we are. I'm not telling you this because I think it's OK to plunk kids down in front of a TV set. I'm confessing so that I feel shame and maybe will then have the energy to get up and do something else.

Because I do think if I am going to minimize the badness my kid sees on television I should at least limit her viewing to things that have a marginal amount of educational value, we have begun watching some shows on PBS. Here's what I don't like about each of her favorite shows.

BARNIE AND FRIENDS- Why this guy is still on television after all these years is beyond me. Apparently his handlers changed his medication somewhere in the series because he's not as manic anymore and now he's easier to understand than when the show first debuted. Baby Bop also seems to have acquired more of a vocabulary and no longer babbles incoherently the way she used to. Even still this show just seems like one goob fest after another.

CAILLOU - Caillou is an animated Canuck who at the age of four goes around whining like an incompetent boob because he can't do all the things that the big kids can do. And he has no hair! Both his parents have hair. His grandfather has hair. Is there some genetic disorder about Caillou we don't know about? Is it something we'll have to figure out after having put together unrelated clues kinda like on Lost? This shouldn't bother me but it does.

CLIFFORD - Clifford, if you're reading this, it's not you. It's that cocky Emily Elizabeth who tries on every episode to usurp your stardom. If you are asked to do another season with her on the show, you need a new agent.

SUPER WHY - This is by far Meryl's favorite program. For those not in the know Super Why, Wyatt being his Clark Kent name, is one of the Super Readers along with Princess Presto, Wonder Red and Alpha Pig. Sure, they like to think they teach reading and all, but I have some problems with this show.

Why are three human beings running around Storybook Village with an anthropomorphic pig? Furthermore Alpha Pig is really the one who has most of the super power. Super Why just gets most of the credit because he's the one who plays captain exposition for all the slow kids who couldn't otherwise follow the storyline and then wraps up the show at the end. Super Why always provides the moral and gives the shakedown to the archetype, be it the big bad wolf or the witch or whoever.

Super Why does have a catchy theme song though, and I find myself borrowing lines from the show occasionally. When Meryl won't sit on the potty because the kid's been on a potty strike now for months, I'll refer to her potty seat as a Y-flyer which is what the super readers use to get from one place to another quickly. Or yesterday I shouted as I was taking off her diaper Super Meryl with the power to potty! She wasn't convinced.

Alright, show's over. The mush factor in our brains has just jumped three more points. Not only that, but people who complain about the quality of what's on television annoy me almost as much as the shows themselves. The solution isn't a microchip in the TV or, worse yet, relying on our government or third parties to tell us what's good and what's not.

The solution is turning the television off.