Gutter-free politics, please

Dear Fellow Americans,

As this post hits the press, trashrags across our great nation are churning out the latest scoop on Senator McCain and his alleged relationship with a lobbyist named Vicki Iseman.

I ask you, if you are not keen on the idea of this man becoming our next president, could you please, please, I beg of you, please come up with something other than this tabloidal rubbish of a story to use as your means for justification? If you're unsure of reasons to dislike him, might I suggest his stances on abortion or immigration or anything for that matter that would actually have some impact on our country once he gained a spot in the White House. We shouldn't have cared about Monica Lewinsky and we shouldn't care about this woman either. Really, people, this unwillingness to pull our minds out of the fourth-grade gutter when election time rolls around is getting downright embarrassing.

Speaking of Monica, when all that mess was going on between she and Bill I was teaching at an elementary school in an über-conservative area in my über-conservative county here in Georgia, an über-conservative state. I don't just mean Bush conservative either; we're talking Pat Buchanan theocratic conservatives. Anyway, kids returned from summer vacation and because this Monica-Bill drivel was all these kids heard talked about at home, it wasn't uncommon for me to overhear in the lunchroom one kid giving his interpretation of what he thought had happened in the oval office. Also girls named Monica found this to be an exceptionally difficult time in their lives.

Interestingly enough Atlantans were privy to yet another sex scandal that was going on about the same time that didn't get quite the same coverage or negative reaction A star player of the Atlanta Braves not only admitted to numerous affairs with different women over the previous few years but also fathered a child out of wedlock with one of them who just so happened to be a Hooters waitress. Words do not describe how disgusted I was with the number of parents who wanted a president impeached yet sill sent their kids to school in their prized Chipper Jones Atlanta Braves jerseys.

At least WSB radio had the sense to end the Ask Chipper segment of their morning news program in which a kid got to ask the athletic half-wit a question so Chipper could stumble through his limited vocabulary to muster up an answer. I swear that segment made my ears bleed long before he was shagging the beer wenches at Hooters. Unfortunately for all of us WSB just replaced the Ask Chipper segment with a new segment called Chipper's Diary. It was basically just like the old segment except now a sports reporter was doing the asking. Lame!

Now in reality it doesn't effect me that Bill Clinton was getting blown in his office or that Chipper Jones was fathering children out of wedlock. I just bring it up to show the hypocrisy that exists in the American mentality when it comes to these things. Apparently the Braves' manager and owner didn't care about Chipper either. It didn't effect his game, and his teammates probably got some free hot wings out of the deal.

But back to McCain.

Whether he got money from this woman's clients or not and whether he let her borrow his plane or not and whether he let her smoke his cigar or not, none of these are justifiable reasons to not want him to become our president. If you need some justifiable reasons to vote against him, why not look to his senate voting record by clicking here. Please. Educate yourself before you come across sounding like some immature numbskull who can't get his mind out of the gutter.

Otherwise people are likely to mistake you for Chipper Jones.