It's high time I pimped my blog

When I first discovered blogging almost a year ago, I knew I wanted a blog but had no clue how to start one. Having purchased a domain name (see remnants of my first attempt at a personal webpage including photos by clicking here) I then needed the nuts and bolts to comprise my online diatribe. I searched computer stores for software related to the subject but couldn't really find any. Now I know that's because any monkey can start a blog provided he has an internet connection and a browser he can use to point to Blogger.com. I know the cooler peeps use things like Moveable Type or WordPress but I could no more make shit sense of their installation software than I could a set of stereo instructions printed in Aramaic. So here I am several months later with a blog on my own domain that I update via Blogger.com. There's only one problem: My blog looks blatantly amateurish if not just plain boring. I need someone to pimp my blog.

The template you see before you was a doctored up version of the Dots Dark template I picked from the Blogger site. Many people are happy with a generic looking blog, but I wanted something that showed a little more originality. I don't remember where I snatched the purplish background from, but the guy holding the glass was a graphic my wife and I had used on an invitation for our annual party we like to call Cocktails with Kevin. I went on Colorschemer.com and, having picked out a color from the graphic, found some corresponding colors for text, link and hover colors. Lately I've been reading up on what makes for poor blog design and learned of what cardinal sins I've committed. Let's confess, shall we?

When you google poor web design or poor blog design you get a slew of things that everyone from professional designers to cantankerous biddies find reprehensible in blog design, and one of the first things on most of their lists is the use of light text on a dark background. Yes, I admit that there are some sites out there that quickly make me click the Back button because their designer's poor choice in font color is temporarily blinding. But is my cyan lettering on this dark background really all that bad? I like it because if you're huddled in a dark room with all the lights off at night because you've found it's easier to just wait for a sleeping baby to wake up as opposed to having her wake you up after only two hours sleep, the site doesn't illuminate the entire room the way some do. But that's just me. I'm curious what you think. Go on, you can level with me. I need to know.

Another thing I'm guilty of is making links that look like this with no indication as to where they lead. I'm one of those people who thought it was quaint to do so. Sue me. I'll stop if for no other reason than because for every mystery link I make, I pass over someone else's assuming if they didn't care enough to tell me where it leads then why should I bother clicking on it?

Other people have cited unreachable authors as a pet peeve. Come to think of it, I do not have my email address on my blog, but anyone is welcome to email me at cocktailswithkevin@hotmail.com. If I do get around to pimping my blog, I'll add my email address. I actually know a few bloggers, the Black gay blogger for instance (how much more descriptive could I be with that link?) who solicit their PayPal account. I've yet to toss any money his way, but you gotta give the guy props for trying.

Some people niggle about the number of ads or buttons on a site. I don't do ads because I can't say I've ever clicked on one, and I don't know anyone who's life was turned around because they did. Maybe it's my own paranoia but most of them look like they have the credibility of an online personal ad and so once you click on it, you really never know where you're going to be taken to. Does anyone really line their pockets that much by using ads? Pimping your blog is one thing; whoring it is another.

When it comes to HTML coding I am near clueless. I can scoot things over, make them different colors, maybe even make them a little bigger or smaller but when it comes to blog skin design -- even one I try and vary from a template -- I just don't have the skills. I've tried a few different templates but having me design a blog template is like having a heterosexual interior decorator redo your living room. It just looks . . . not put together.

Is there anyone out there who wants to take on a new design project? There are several blogs out there who's look I like. Blonde Vigilante for instance has something neat and simple. The focus is clearly on her writing . . . and the knockout blonde in the banner. The End is Now is another simple but crisp blog skin. If you've never visited Faggoty Ass Faggot, you really need to check out his site just to see the template. A friend of his did that, and you gotta love it. Gays have that queer eye though, and apparently even the ones who don't know one who does. So if there's anyone out there who wants some recognition for putting together a little sump'n-sump'n for me, shoot me an email. And if anyone finds an ad that says queer eye for the straight blogger would you please let me know?